Day 3 Alcohol Free: “Day 3 Me”

Day 3 sober me is angry me.
Day 3 sober me is resentful me.
Day 3 sober me frustrated and annoyed me.
Day 3 sober me is me that thinks that a drink would be nice and it just sucks to think that there is no drinking, not for 100 days, even if I get to drink all I want after that.
Day 3 sober me is me who gets irritated by everyone in her way – the people on the street unaware of their surroundings, the people on the road keeping her from reaching her destination, the people in the gym using all the equipment, the people who got to the pizza place before her, which means she has to wait 20 minutes for a pizza that takes 90 seconds to cook.
Day 3 sober me is me who has to actively remind herself that treats for being sober aren’t patronizing, and that her regular banana/peanut butter/chocolate protein shake can be a sober treat after her workout if she wants it to be
Day 3 sober me is nearly-nihilistic me, who can’t see the point, who feels it’s all meaningless and can’t convince herself otherwise
Day 3 sober me is me who comes across a Facebook posting by a local organization that just so happens to be co-hosting an event with the man who has been haunting her head for the past almost 9 months since she broke up with him and tried to get him out of her life
Day 3 sober me is me who broke her promise not to look at the ex’s Instagram – she looked and immediately regretted it, knowing there was not much use in it, knowing that his business is none of hers
Day 3 sober me is me who decides that it’s kosher to eat Jimmy John’s for lunch, Punch Pizza for dinner, with a chocolate shake between the meals, and a chocolate cookie after
Day 3 sober me is trying to remember why me is staying sober
Day 3 sober me can’t seem to quench her thirst with sparkling water, but says it’ll just have to do
Day 3 sober me got her homework done – most of it – despite not having read any of the materials before tonight, and she feels pretty decent about it
Day 3 sober me needs to remind herself that she is still in control of her life, that her haunt of an ex isn’t going to overshadow her presence, that she is still welcome and valued in her community
Day 3 sober me still isn’t ready to share with others that she’s sober, even if it’s “just for 100 days, and then i’m done”
Day 3 sober me is me looking forward to riding her bike to work tomorrow
Day 3 sober me realizes she still needs to talk to her boyfriend about feeling alone with him, and that breaks her heart because she knows it might break his to hear it – or at least cause him some concern
Day 3 sober me is me who, for some reason, still expects herself to know what she’s supposed to be doing, or what her plan for sobriety is or, what she’s going to learn and do with it
Day 3 sober me needs to calm the fuck down
But, most importantly,
Day 3 sober me is sober me.
So, at least there’s that.

4 thoughts on “Day 3 Alcohol Free: “Day 3 Me”

  1. stelladaniela says:

    So, I’m going through your blog from the beginning and I just love this post. I’m only 20ish days in a i vividly remember the first few days being EXACTLY like this! For me, I’d hit up an AA meeting after work and all of the craziness would wash away to be replaced with love and hope. Wondering how things with your boyfriend went, but I’ll just have to wait and see. 😉

    Like

    • okayishness blog says:

      Thank you so much for your comment! I’m glad what I’ve written has resonated with someone. It’s so easy to forget that we’re not alone in this big mess, and that sharing our experiences is a wonderful & cathartic way of healing. Looking forward to reading more of your posts in the future! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • stelladaniela says:

        I’m finding the blogosphere to be one of the greatest antidotes to the loneliness in this process. I’m pretty shy IRL (one of the reasons I really took to drinking) and find it difficult to reach out, even to those who have offered support. It seems much easier to do it here, especially when I can be completely honest.

        I know I have a lot of your posts left to read, but I’m looking forward to them all!

        Liked by 1 person

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