94 Days Alcohol Free: Taking Steps

Today, on day 94 alcohol free, I took three important steps to further secure my continued sobriety:

1) I deactivated my Facebook profile.

I just can’t take it anymore. Facebook is just one giant advertisement with political B.S. from both sides thrown in. So, I deactivated mine. It will remain deactivated until the end of the 2016 election season at the very least, if not longer. I cannot stand how polarized things have become. I cannot stand the anger and the hatred. I already know who I am voting for. I don’t need any more convincing; truly, I didn’t ever need convincing in the first place. The fact that my Facebook feed is a dumping ground for angry Republicans and Democrats and Independents and Anarchists is too much for my sensitive brain right now.

Not only that, but I’ve found myself feeling more and more socially isolated the more I use social media sites like Facebook. It’s nothing unique; it’s just the FOMO kicking in. I see friends and acquaintances having a blast, going out drinking or sipping mimosas over brunch, adventuring out together for weekend hiking trips, and all I can think is that I feel so left out. I hate it. It’s no good for my hear to feel so alone.

I need a break. And so, a break I will have.

2) I finally gave in and decided to give AA a try.

I reached out to a good friend of mine (also an old roommate) who has been sober for nearly 4 years now, and I asked her if she had any recommendations for a good AA group I could look into. I’ve been pretty hesitant to join AA because I don’t subscribe to the idea of a higher power (I’m an atheist) and I don’t like the idea that I have to admit powerlessness over alcohol. I know that many people say that you can form your own meaning out of those parts of the steps, but it has always turned me off for some reason or another, and it kept me from wanting to participate.

Additionally, I’m scared of the conversation I’d eventually need to have with my boyfriend, where I would tell him that I’m now going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. I don’t feel ready to give myself the label of alcoholic. I know I have an alcohol problem, and that drinking isn’t for me, but I’m fearful of the judgment that might come from admitting that I’m going to AA.

The main reason I got over myself, though, and now want to go to AA is because it’s becoming more and more apparent that I need some kind of social outlet that doesn’t involve my romantic relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend and his friends are awesome, but they are the only people I hang out with these days. I don’t feel like I have many other people in my corner besides them. I need to have a community of my own to support me, especially when my boyfriend isn’t available and I feel particularly alone.

So, my friend invited me to join her at a Friday night meditation AA group. I’m actually kind of excited. Not only do I hope to meet some friendly sober people who “get it” – but I also hope to finally learn how to meditate and use it to my benefit in real life. Killing two birds, know what I mean?

3) I gave myself permission to admit that Facebook wasn’t working for me, and that I needed to find real-life support.

One thing I know I struggle with is admitting I need help, or admitting that anything is wrong. It’s almost like a compulsion for me to make things seem totally fine on the outside, so nobody would ever really suspect that I’m having a hard time.

But I keep learning and re-learning that my approach hasn’t been working. If anything, it has contributed to me feeling more and more alone, rather than connected or “okay.” Trying to pretend that Facebook doesn’t depress the hell out of me makes it feel like I can’t escape, because who does that? Who leaves Facebook? Me, I guess. At least for now. And instead of further isolating, I’m seeking out real-life connections through AA, with the potential for honest-to-goodness social support built right in.

But for now, today, I’ve got to dive back into school work. The days just aren’t long enough, it seems. Oh well – at least it keeps me busy  🙂

14 thoughts on “94 Days Alcohol Free: Taking Steps

  1. runawayhappy says:

    I would love to get rid of my Facebook account. I did it a couple years ago for about a year and LOVED it! I experience the same FOMO that you do, but I also experienced it while drinking too. Which, now that I think about it furthered my drinking and isolation. My point? I have a business that runs heavily on Facebook so no deleting for me, but I’ll live Facebook free vicariously through you. 🙂 I have the same feelings about AA as you do too. I look forward to hearing how that goes for you. I hope you make some great connections.

    Liked by 1 person

    • okayishness blog says:

      Yeah, Facebook can be hard to escape. I’ve been planning a 10-year graduation reunion through Facebook events and I just had to tell myself that it was okay to take a break from it for the next 20-something days until the election is over. I used to manage other businesses Facebook pages as part of work, so getting rid of it wasn’t an option, so I understand the conundrum. I hope you can find a good way to balance your professional needs while still being good to yourself – because screw FOMO, know what I mean? 🙂


  2. Tori says:

    Well done. I was in the same position. I need support in real life from people who really get it. I am not keen on the idea of AA for the same reasons as you and I have managed to find a support group run by an addictions therapist nearby who has invited me to join. I went to the first meeting last week and the relief was overwhelming. If it doesn’t work out I will go to AA because I know I need support and to be frank I will do anything to protect my sobriety.

    I hope the meeting goes well for you. Let us know how you get on. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. footpowered says:

    Great post. Thanks for sharing that. The election coverage is sucking the life out of me and I don’t even live in the US! I’ve attended a few AA Meetings and, after some failed attempts, I have just recently found some meetings that work for me. I also struggled with the whole “God-thing” at AA. I am definitely not religious, but at the same time I am also aware that there is something bigger than me operating (even if that thing is an amazing mathematical algorithm!) I am quite scientifically minded and knowing what I do about the universe leaves me in wonder and awe and serves as my source of spirituality.

    Hope your meeting goes well.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Robert Crisp says:

    I relate to so much of this. In my super early sobriety, I couldn’t take Facebook much, or even my usual music. I stopped watching local and national news. I had to turn inward (while still counting on support from AA and friends from rehab), and that lasted for quite a while. I started a new job three months ago, and it took nearly all my emotional energy, so I stopped FB and blogging (not that I’d done much before then). I find that, if sober, I can tune into myself feelings and figure out what I need, Sounds like you’re doing the same. Good for you, I say. Social media isn’t going anywhere, so there’s no need to worry about it. Tend to yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Mrs. Kate Singh says:

    Good morning! You stopped by my blog and I got curious about yours. I love this write up! You sound like the younger version of me. I also cut off my FB because it makes me miserable. I have one just for my author page, however, I became so disgusted with the main one I just couldn’t do it. Smart move. As for your sobriety…good for you! I’ve been sober for around 8 years. I did AA for almost 2 years and loved it. I fought going to AA for 20 years. It really is the only way to finally get sober and create a solid sober life. I am following your blog so I can follow your adventure. It can be exciting, painful, confusing…even fun. I will just say that it gets easier and easier and I love being sober. Since getting sober my life really began. I am now married with two boys, I’ve been in plays, written books…it’s a great life. I do have a book I wrote Queen of Sober. I wrote it in my first two years of sobriety and it’s all about how to get through the first year. It’s on amazon. It will be free on ebook beginning of December. I talk about AA and God and how to create a sober life from scratch. I was raised an atheist, however, I now have an amazing spiritual program that suits me. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    • okayishness blog says:

      Hi! Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment. I’m so glad to have this platform to connect with other sober bloggers. Congratulations on your amazing accomplishments, as well! I, too, have a love for writing and am hoping to someday write a book of my own – about sobriety, love, divorce, finding my way, etc. I suppose much of what I write here is some helpful fodder for getting started 🙂
      I’m looking forward to reading more from you! And I will definitely check out your book – either to buy, or perhaps as the eBook when available!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Mrs. Kate Singh says:

        The ebook is available now, however, it will be free the first week of December (just in time for Christmas and all the holidays that make us want to drink). I don’t write much on sobriety on this blog site, but I feel more inspired by your visit and your blog. I remember when I first got sober I really needed a lot of support and inspiration. I actually don’t think about it much these days. Something to look forward to right?


      • okayishness blog says:

        Absolutely! I enjoy writing about my journey, but I can’t lie – I do look forward to the day when being sober isn’t one of the main things on my mind – more like a constant, enjoyable undercurrent to my life 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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