So, tomorrow is day 290 alcohol free. Holy buckets. Sometimes I have to stop and remind myself how good it feels, really, to be sober, because I’ve gotten to the point where I hardly notice it anymore; it doesn’t feel like I have to try. Even when I’m stressed. Even when I’m sad. Even when I’m happy. No, especially when I’m stressed, sad, and happy. I’m not a religious person by any means, but sobriety is one of those things I really consider a blessing and a grace in my life, for so many reasons.
290 days since I woke up embarrassed, dehydrated, anxious, or depressed because I couldn’t control my drinking the night before.
290 days of becoming more connected to my own emotions, and coming to terms with what it means to genuinely feel things.
290 days of processing past pains, traumas, fuck-ups and regrets. 290 days of learning to forgive myself and others for those things, as well.
It’s amazing to me that I’ve only got 75 days until a full year of this. 75 days seems like quite a bit, and of course anything could happen from here ’til there, but I’m feeling confident in myself, and too proud of how far I’ve come to do anything that would remotely threaten that.
Additionally, I’ve been quit smoking for over a year, though I’ve had two events over the past twelve months where I’ve snuck a cigarette or two: once during election night, and once during my 10-year high school anniversary trip.
I’ve also been off coffee for four days, and for all intents and purposes, quitting caffeine hasn’t been nearly as difficult as I thought it would. I was a little sleepy the first day, was very tired and had to take two short naps the second day, woke up early to a minor headache on the third day which resolved itself with some water and a bit more sleep, and then woke up mostly alert on day four, today. No major mood swings, headaches, body pains or stomach upset. I feel good knowing I’m letting my body take a reset moment. I did have some decaf this morning, but it was’t really that great, so I did’t finish the cup. My plan is eventually to stick to decaf coffee and have a cup or two of green tea each day, for minimal amounts of caffeine and all the antioxidants.
Overall, I’m good. Sobriety is good. The semester is done and I’m heading to Boston/New Hampshire for 10 days starting this coming Friday, so I am excited and so ready for that.
I hope everyone else is well, no matter where in your own personal journeys you are. Time to rest my sleepy, non-caffeinated head.