Feeling Disconnected from Sobriety

I have been feeling…disconnected from my sobriety lately.

It’s becoming more and more difficult for me to connect the current events of my life to being sober.

It’s true, much of what I have now wouldn’t be in my life were I not sober. I probably wouldn’t be dating my boyfriend. I wouldn’t be living in this house. I wouldn’t have my creative writing group. I wouldn’t be seeing my current therapist. My best friend and I wouldn’t be as close as we are now. And I certainly wouldn’t be sitting here, writing this sentence in my sober blog, reflecting on how disconnected I feel from sobriety.

I don’t feel disconnected in a way that is dangerous. I don’t have thoughts of drinking. I don’t yearn for booze. I just feel like I don’t have much else to say. Sobriety feels like something I don’t need to think about too much these days. It just… is. And I’m doing it every day. I become more aware of it when I’m around others who are drinking, but that doesn’t happen too often anymore. The fact that I don’t ever get invited to after-work happy hours sort of solidifies this, as well.

I’m not upset about it. I don’t feel sad–not really. I am not nostalgic for the early days of sobriety. I don’t miss waking up not knowing how wildly my moods were going to swing that day. I am solid in sobriety and I don’t feel like I’m missing anything by not doing step work or visiting /r/stopdrinking every day.

But, still. Sometimes I wonder if I’m not doing enough. For sobriety, that is. I’ve filled my life to the brim with things that would be impossible to juggle if I still drank. I like it this way. I’m doing plenty right now–I know this. But still, am I being sober the right way?

I think that’s why my writing here has slowly tapered off. That’s why I don’t engage with other sober blog as much, though I still do read them–many of them. I enjoy them all. I feel like they’re saying what I’ve thought and felt at various points along my journey. I feel like others say it all so well. And so I sit and read and hit the little star button and sometimes comment when I feel like I’ve got something useful to say.

But right now, I don’t feel like I’ve got much. Not in the realm of sobriety. I’m trying to remind myself that it’s okay to disengage for a while. I’m trying to allow myself to carry on with my sober life in an intentional, healthy way. I’m allowing myself to read and digest what everyone else is writing about, without feeling like I’ve got to jump in at every opportunity.

Instead, I’m trying to focus much of my energy back onto my personal and professional life. I’m trying to do what’s healthy for myself mentally, emotionally, and physically. I’m sprinkling in forgiveness and grace whenever I can. If that means allowing some trust in my sobriety, I think I’m okay with that. I trust myself to stay sober, and to reach out and re-engage if things get hairy. I trust myself. I trust the process. I trust that it’s okay to not have much new or exciting to say about it. I trust myself to be ok.

Full of grace and acceptance and forgiveness and gratitude on this 821st day of my sobriety

❀ Em

 

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11 thoughts on “Feeling Disconnected from Sobriety

  1. awil898 says:

    I get that same feeling sometimes. I know that I am doing the best I can for the time being, but what I really struggled with was feeling that maybe it wasn’t enough. I spoke with my sponsor and she told me, “Welcome to sobriety!” I was like, what do you mean? The more I think about it, the more I realize that this is just life. For me, I was always filling my days with drinking and so, a normal way of life is just so weird and boring sometimes. I have not lived life on life’s terms for such a long time that this new way of living just seems a little too “normal”. I am so used to the chaos and being outside of myself that sitting back and enjoying the good things is going to take a little getting used to.

    It seems you are doing the right thing and all you have to do is keep doing the next right thing! As long as you keep doing the next right thing, you are going to be okay. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    • okayishness blog says:

      Thanks for your kind words! ❀️ And yes. You’re right! Sober life is so normal sometimes, without all the chaos drinking brought. It can be a little disarming at first. But I think it just takes some getting used to. At least for me, there’s never a shortage of things to fill my time and create some “controlled chaos,” if you will. That seems to be working out okay so far πŸ˜†

      Liked by 1 person

    • ShaneBarnardUK says:

      Hiya I’m sober now for 4 Months and apart from feeling a bit lonely at times, can’t thank God enough for my new life. God Bless you both πŸ€— πŸ™ 😘 In my case, Love to self and everyone else in life depends on sobriety starting with positive thinking at all times. Can be difficult.. I found, but the more you do it, the more the old you fades away. 😘

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Ultraviolet Sobriety says:

    Relate! Thanks for this piece. I was just writing about this myself… It’s weird when sobriety becomes less …. HUGE in our lives. It’s still terribly important, essential, but it’s like breathing now- we aren’t fully engaged all the time. It’s becoming automatic. I guess it feels weird because in the early days, it was all-consuming. Isn’t it fantastic that we now have headspace to focus on all the other stuff?!

    Liked by 2 people

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