It's been a while. I am here, I am sober. I've started dating someone new, a guy "N" who has been attending my creative writing group for about 10 months now. He started showing up a few months after I started the group, and has only missed a few meetups here and there. This past … Continue reading I’m Dating Someone New, and He’s Sober
The Big Mistake
So, I messed up this week. I messed up big time. I didn't drink—no, I'm still dry as a bone. But, I messed up, and it's sent me into such a mindfunk that I've had a hard time processing how I feel or what to do next. How did I mess up? Well, there's this coworker … Continue reading The Big Mistake
Single? Oh, boy.
So I've been single for a grand total of 5 days. It feels like the first few days of sobriety to me, like I'm frantically trying to reorganize my life without the presence of my ex in it anymore. I'm sleeping fewer hours and constantly trying to busy my mind with external stimuli. Facebook, … Continue reading Single? Oh, boy.
I broke up with my boyfriend tonight. I've stayed sober and painfully present with myself all evening long. My back aches and I'm not sure where my heart is, but I feel—finally—that I've taken the step I needed to take. Even as I'm faced with all of the lost dreams that come with this next … Continue reading Single
Friday Night Vent
Well, it's the end of another week, and I am...exhausted? Drained? Dazed? Confused? A little of all of the above, I suppose. I'm finding that my short-term memory is going to crap these days—I don't think a day has gone by in the past two or three weeks that I haven't forgotten something, or walked … Continue reading Friday Night Vent
I wish being sober made this stuff easier
I feel really off today. Like, existentially empty and weird and numb. I don't know what to do with myself. It's the same sort of feeling I get when I start to wonder and worry about whether I'm starting to get stuck. Stuck in my life. Stuck in some routine. Stuck in complacency. I don't … Continue reading I wish being sober made this stuff easier
Taking Up Space
I was out to lunch today with the boyfriend at one of our regular pizza places, down near my old apartment in the city. We got back onto discussing the topic of living spaces, and his desire to buy a home. I mentioned once again how I feel conflicted about wanting to move out. On the … Continue reading Taking Up Space
How would you feel…
Today, my boyfriend asked me what I thought about moving in with him. To be clear, it would be moving in with him, his roommate (let's call him Roger) and his roommate's girlfriend (we'll call her Anita). And it wouldn't be for at least another 10 months. That question, paired with the little hand squeeze … Continue reading How would you feel…
47 Days Alcohol Free: Who Are You?
A year ago, during the summer, I got somewhere around 40-45 days of sustained sobriety before I caved and decided I wanted to start drinking again. I’d had enough time under my belt to be convinced that I could handle myself, and so I set forth drinking again - with caution, at first. Around the … Continue reading 47 Days Alcohol Free: Who Are You?
43 Days Alcohol Free: Talking it Out
Yesterday was a hard day for me. I was hit by depression in a way I haven't experienced in quite some time. I was distracted at work to the point of needing to leave; I was refreshing the same screen at my desk over and over, not actually doing anything. I cried for most of my … Continue reading 43 Days Alcohol Free: Talking it Out