About a month and a half ago, I wrote a post about how I was nearly certain my relationship was going to end because of my boyfriend's need and desire to move back home to Indiana to be closer to his son (we're in Minnesota). I got frantic for a few weeks, wracked with anxiety … Continue reading Nothing Stays the Same, and That’s OK
They say acceptance is the final stage of grief. It is the goal, the endpoint, the last destination on the twisting journey you're set upon when you're in mourning. Our cultural understanding of grief has expanded far beyond death, divorce, and illness: it extends into loss of trust, loss of safety, loss of stability, loss … Continue reading Grant Me the Serenity
So, yesterday morning, I decided to be honest with my boyfriend and tell him straight-up that I needed some time and space to process our relationship. We haven't broken up, but we're not talking at the moment, at my request. It's just weird to think that I finally did it. I've been agonizing over saying … Continue reading Living the Questions is Hard.
So, day 320 sober today. I'm inching closer and closer to that 1-year mark and it feels a little crazy to me. Being sober is both easier and harder than it was in the beginning. I'm not constantly struggling with the desire to drink, or battling myself on the pros and cons. I'm not knee-deep … Continue reading “Falling Out of Love is Writing”
Today, my boyfriend asked me what I thought about moving in with him. To be clear, it would be moving in with him, his roommate (let's call him Roger) and his roommate's girlfriend (we'll call her Anita). And it wouldn't be for at least another 10 months. That question, paired with the little hand squeeze … Continue reading How would you feel…
Right now, I'm sitting in a big comfy chair in my boyfriend's living room, sipping a LaCroix, while he and a few of his friends sit around the kitchen table playing Hearthstone, Rocket League & Diablo. Trampled by Turtles is playing on the record player (yes - record player!) and I can't help but think … Continue reading Embracing Boring Sobriety
A year ago, during the summer, I got somewhere around 40-45 days of sustained sobriety before I caved and decided I wanted to start drinking again. I’d had enough time under my belt to be convinced that I could handle myself, and so I set forth drinking again - with caution, at first. Around the … Continue reading 47 Days Alcohol Free: Who Are You?
Yesterday was a hard day for me. I was hit by depression in a way I haven't experienced in quite some time. I was distracted at work to the point of needing to leave; I was refreshing the same screen at my desk over and over, not actually doing anything. I cried for most of my … Continue reading 43 Days Alcohol Free: Talking it Out