In 17 days, I will be walking across a makeshift stage at a middle school somewhere in New Hampshire, wearing my rented cap, gown & tassel, reaching for a placeholder diploma, as the crowd on the floor looks on and claps for me. My parents won't be there. My brother won't be there. My (ex) … Continue reading Moving the story forward
One of the most unusual things is to allow yourself to sit with—and feel—your conflicting emotions. Right now, I am swimming in a pool of guilt, sadness, relief, and hope. One part of me contains my sadness, the other my guilt, and yet another holds my relief, and somewhere else my hope is resting quietly … Continue reading Grief, et. al.
Yesterday marked 4 years since my divorce was made official in the Denver courts. I was 25. That day in 2014, I celebrated my newfound freedom by going out to the pizza place down the block from my house and getting drunk after a day of uninspiring work. Yesterday, I spent the day at my clinical … Continue reading Happy Divorce-iversary to Me
Sobriety has continued to serve me well these days. I don't think about it often, nor do I spend a lot of time contemplating it, but a clear mind has been a joy and a gift to me over the past several months as I come to grips with where I'm coming from, and where … Continue reading Mini Check-in: Day 939 Sober & Counting
Tomorrow begins the first day of my last semester of graduate school. When the clock turned over from 2018 to 2019, I felt a renewed sense of excitement and anticipation. I was reminded of all the upcoming beginnings and endings. I felt sad and grateful and In May when I graduate, it will be 5 … Continue reading 2019: My Year to be Quiet
Well, friends. 2018's end is creeping near. A whole year, wrapping itself up nice and neat, topping itself with a shiny bow. And what a year it's been. It's hard to believe the kind of progress that can be made in a year. It's hard to believe what growth can occur, even through painful moments … Continue reading 2018: A Sober Year in Review + What’s Next?
When I write about how proud I am to be sober, it's true. When I write about how grateful I am for everything I've been through, it's true. When I celebrate all of life's complexity and uncertainty and weirdness, that celebration is sincere. And, when I write about feeling completely untethered and uncertain about anything at all, that's just as true as the rest, if not more so.